someone i wish could forgive me

these topics are so depressing..
well,
i honestly son't think i hurt anybody bad enough to plead forgiveness.
if anyone, my parents, because it seems as if i've never been good enough.

back on blogger.. it's been a while.

this will be my last confession: 'i love you' never felt like any blessing.

day12- person i hate most/ caused me alot of pain

there is no body i hate. but there are some people who have caused me alot of pain, and after a while of thinking about it, i realized it was more than one person over the time span of one week. during that week, you all led me on and then dropped everything. and what's funny is that you all are friends. its like it was a game or something. that caused me some pain.

day11- a deceased person i wish i could talk to.

there isn't really anyone deceased that i wish i could talk to.

day10-someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like to

gabby, definitely you.
dear gabby, we used to be closer than close. but now its all over, because you moved. and i know it's all over because there is no way we can be as close as we were. i wont lie, you're a bitch to me sometimes, but i love you anyway. we lost touch, and it really sucks. but whatever, this happens to us alot so let's see what happens. sometimes i miss you, but that's rare. i don't like relying on people.

day9- someone i wish i could meet

i just wish that i could meet somebody who thinks exactly the same as i do.
if you exist, you're probably looking for me as well, and i know i'll meet you someday.

day8- favorite internet friend.

Valarie Vicious! most definitely. but soon enough she won't be my favorite internet frien, because i'm going to meet her! soon enough! ahhhh i love how i met you on that super gay website, and how i remember your name was 4th floor, and how youre so bubbly! you are the cutest thing. i love writing you letters, and your handwriting! i love you, darling.

day7- ex love

ex, i don't really have anything to say to you. i'm sorry for whatever i've done wrong, and you are already forgiven.

day6- a stranger

stranger, i obviously don't know who you are. sometimes i think about the events we go through in life, and how intense and dramatic they can be, with so much emotion. yet, they don't affect anyone else. the way most of us think, is for example, someone is totally distraught about something, and they are really huting. we, at least i, have the notion that the sadness i feel will somehow come off of me and infect everybody around me. but when in reality, the person can be extremely sad, and the person next to them can be extremely happy, because sometimes extreme happiness is blinding, as is sadness.
anyway, stranger, i know you have gone through a series of events in your life. and like the (not so) contagious emotion, i am saddened i cannot learn of your series of events within your presence.

Iesu, Rex admirabilis
Et triumphator nobilis,
Dulcedo ineffabilis,
Totus desiderabilis.

day5- my dreams

i always have weird dreams. sometimes if i'm lucky, and i genuinely care about something, my dreams will give me comfort with a hint of the outcome. sometimes my dreams help me predict what happens in the future, but only really big things that matter.
for example, once i bought these herbs that help you predict the future with your dreams, and you were supposed to put them under your pillow. i didnt dream anything specific, but i dreamt about something having to do with lovey dovey text messages. then, after that, like about a week after, i had my first text-based relationSHIT.
another time, i was really missing this guy that i was in love with, and i was waiting for him to talk to me for the first time in a while. i waited for what felt like weeks, and for some reason i dreamt something about a tuesday; after a night that i was basically praying for insight and hope. so when i woke up, i told myself that he would again talk to me on the upcoming tuesday. and he did.

day 4-sibling(s)

okay so i have two.

dear tristan, you're such a good kid. you always do whats right and everyone has the right to be extremely proud of you. you amaze me when you have an endless schedule, and give everything your best. we have fights rarely now, but when we talk we bond. im always here for you, and it makes me so happy when i see that you trust me enough to talk about your life with me.

dear taylor, you're really weird but i love you. you're turning into a little version of myself when i was in 6th grade, and i think thats wonderful. at least for me to watch. i can give you old advice, because we're going through the same thing, even my old AFI shirt, but it's too small. im always here for you when you need to talk too. always.

photoshoot 1

okay, so today i did a photoshoot for my beginning lookbook, thats kinda stupid. anyways, whatever. i could have picked out a better outfit but i put my clothes in the wash. i hope you like the faerie garden. and btw, my lipstick was red, not pink.