day6- a stranger

stranger, i obviously don't know who you are. sometimes i think about the events we go through in life, and how intense and dramatic they can be, with so much emotion. yet, they don't affect anyone else. the way most of us think, is for example, someone is totally distraught about something, and they are really huting. we, at least i, have the notion that the sadness i feel will somehow come off of me and infect everybody around me. but when in reality, the person can be extremely sad, and the person next to them can be extremely happy, because sometimes extreme happiness is blinding, as is sadness.
anyway, stranger, i know you have gone through a series of events in your life. and like the (not so) contagious emotion, i am saddened i cannot learn of your series of events within your presence.

Iesu, Rex admirabilis
Et triumphator nobilis,
Dulcedo ineffabilis,
Totus desiderabilis.

day5- my dreams

i always have weird dreams. sometimes if i'm lucky, and i genuinely care about something, my dreams will give me comfort with a hint of the outcome. sometimes my dreams help me predict what happens in the future, but only really big things that matter.
for example, once i bought these herbs that help you predict the future with your dreams, and you were supposed to put them under your pillow. i didnt dream anything specific, but i dreamt about something having to do with lovey dovey text messages. then, after that, like about a week after, i had my first text-based relationSHIT.
another time, i was really missing this guy that i was in love with, and i was waiting for him to talk to me for the first time in a while. i waited for what felt like weeks, and for some reason i dreamt something about a tuesday; after a night that i was basically praying for insight and hope. so when i woke up, i told myself that he would again talk to me on the upcoming tuesday. and he did.

day 4-sibling(s)

okay so i have two.

dear tristan, you're such a good kid. you always do whats right and everyone has the right to be extremely proud of you. you amaze me when you have an endless schedule, and give everything your best. we have fights rarely now, but when we talk we bond. im always here for you, and it makes me so happy when i see that you trust me enough to talk about your life with me.

dear taylor, you're really weird but i love you. you're turning into a little version of myself when i was in 6th grade, and i think thats wonderful. at least for me to watch. i can give you old advice, because we're going through the same thing, even my old AFI shirt, but it's too small. im always here for you when you need to talk too. always.

photoshoot 1

okay, so today i did a photoshoot for my beginning lookbook, thats kinda stupid. anyways, whatever. i could have picked out a better outfit but i put my clothes in the wash. i hope you like the faerie garden. and btw, my lipstick was red, not pink.

i can't wait to be inspired by the world and its people once again. i keep becoming swallowed by south florida.

Day 3- parents

i think that i am very lucky to have the parents that i have. my mom, i can talk to her about everything and anything that would be bothering me, and she always gives me the best advice. I feel horrible whenever i would lie to her, so i never do. she is like my best friend. i think my mom is the best friend that i have, and my father too. my dad is harsh on me most of the time, but i know that in the end it will be worth it. somehow, it will. or at least i hope, haha. i used to be able to talk about everything with my dad, when i was little, not that im older and the things i have to talk about are more intense, i'll try, but he would break down mid story and assume something totally different. i admit that our fights are 50% my fault, but then again, they are 50% his. No matter what though, i'll love my mom and dad more than anything in the world.

Day 2- crush

Alright.. well I don't really have a 'crush'. whenever i would have a new crush, it would never work out with them anyway. i have never actually dated someone i liked. i guess i have always dated out of pity. and i really have to stop dating these guys that i can barely see, and date a guy that goes to my school or something. but of course, one that i actually LIKE. these things seem to be a big part of my life, and i hate that. i mean, i have the weirdest taste in guys. i always end up dating guys that seem to be gay and i hate that alot as well. but whatever, this is something that shouldn't matter to me, so i'm not going to let it.

Day 1 - best friend.

alright, well i have more than one.

dear bonnie dipaolo- okay, first off, you are amazing. i dont know why we werent friends in 7th grade, but i remember that when we first started being friends i was giving you advice about that faggot jordan. i love how you arent shallow like all the other girls at conniston, who took me as a total weirdo. you actually got to know me well enough to find out that i wasnt that bad. haha. i miss seeing you everyday, and i miss how we would be crazy together everyday. but how friends like us would usually drift apart, we stayed together and are actually as close as ever now, and thats really amazing considering we dont go to the same school. you help me out with everything, and you tell the honest truth, and that lets me know that you really do care about me. i love you so much, and we will be best friends forever, i know it.

dear taylor olejniczak- ive known you for a really long time and you've seen me go through the weirdest phases. i think its amazing how we have never gotten into a fight before, like ever. i love everything about your personality, and you are always here for me whenever i need you, and thats pretty amazing too. i love the way you think about things, and you always make me feel better when in screwed up. i love how you genuinely dont care what people think about you. i dont know what id do without you, you are definitely one of the people i know that help keep me sane sometimes. you're supportive of the things i do, and if you arent you will let me know, which is good, because most people will just watch the mistake be made. i have so many lovely memories and inside jokes with you, and i really do believe that we will be best friends for the rest of our lives and even after our lives as ghosts. hahaahaa. i love you soososososososoosooo much.

dear janie ohman- im so glad i met you. you mean so much to me, and i can talk to you about anything and everything. you also saved me from not knowming many people at dreyfoos, i always like having someone im close to while im at school. `i remember seeing you at ms. warwicks class and i always thought you were really pretty, and i NEVER would have thought that we would be best friends. like when we started being best friends, i was kinda like wtf. but i love you sooo much and im soo glad. we make the perfect best friend couple, and everything. you make me really happy, despite our minimum amount of disagreements. you really do understand me very well. when we hang out, i really do feel good about myself because youre so supportive stuff. we think the same things alot, and you are like my other half. i love you forever&always. we will last!

dear isabela reyes- you are my sister, you really are. i love you more than anything, and i really do believe you're my sister. you are so ballsy and crazy, but sometimes it does get outta hand and you know why. you're just so different, and beautiful. you are family to me, and my family treats you like family. you get me to do some stupid things with you, but it's all worth it. you teach me alot of things about life, partly from just straight up telling me and partly from your mistakes as well as mine. when im with you, i feel special and who i always aspire to be. im not sure why. but you are an amazing sister. "hold me and tell me we'll burn like stars, we'll burn as we fall"

alright.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend


Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

to feed thihs hungr burnning deep inseyed uhv me

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above


They'll never see
I'll never be
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you



Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

parasite induced dementia hint of psychopathic dreams

i want to get to know someone well enough for them to understand what i am.
every relationship with a best friend that i have held together always comes down to nothing and drifting apart. god, i hate that. i have already lost my best friend since like 1st grade, and now i have about 2 people that im hoping will be with me till the end. which i hope is not in two years. well idk, could it be? i think humans are bringing themselves to destruction, not the apocalyptic zombies. we ARE apocalyptic zombies. anyway, whatever happens, happens.
sometimes i think of something cool to do, that will possibly make a difference and better myself as a person, but of course, i end up thinking about what YOU will think. and then i stop. and feel bad for myself. horrible right? we only have one life, and unless you're a certain person, i don't care what you think. as of today, im not going to care.
So I've decided i am way too nice. but thats something thats not going to change, because i actually like that part of me. it is also an aspect of my personality that gets me into deep shit sometimes. Every night I pray, even though i dont believe in anything exact. i always ask for everything to be okay, and i always thank 'for everything you've given me'.
ahhhahaha im so full of shit.
but at least i have some meaning into my actions. and so00uul

This was touching.

Inspiring to me?

Well weird things inspire me, usually scary psychopathic stories. But I thought this picture was really cool.
I've been in need for some inspiration lately, some people find it really easy to be inspired, and I guess I could potentially be the same way, it's just hard to find stuff like this. Like rain, I love the rain, But in Florida it doesn't rain as much as I'd want, which is like 5 out of 7 days a week. Instead its like 5 days out of the month.

I was taking some pictures of my artwork during the weekend, and I realized that all my worthy artwork was in another location. I only found this one in my portfolio, but I really want to take pictures of my bigger ones. This is probably the smallest painting I have done, at like 1.5 feet by 1.5 feet. I will put pictures of my others online soon, and i will definitely be making lots more to put up, now that I have discovered what interests me.

Day 01

first day of summer already. crazy how fast that went by. everyone says high school will go by fast at dreyfoos, i kinda just want to take my time there.